The bonds

Looking back on our time the other night. Monday I believe. Adam got home right before bedtime for the children. He had decided to stay at work to catch up on things and get more organized since this is his last week in the Coppell location. When he got home he mentioned on his ride home from work he realized what little time he was going to get with our children once he got home and he was sad about it. Usually on any other night the kids would play video games with Daddy since they had lots "more" (only by a couple hours) time with him. I felt that video game time wasn't in their cards tonight with Daddy so we headed to the school room. I showed him what they did that day while they were in the room with us and let them talk on to him about their work and show off stuff to him. Then we all sat down together to play a game of Matching the Colored Apples (a game of Alexander's for preschool time). Yes the game was very easy for all of us but it allowed Alexander to show off his skills to Daddy while we all bonded and spent time together. I sat back and watch how organically our bonding time grew in that room over the hour. I felt relieved, proud and happy! I realized not just within that night but a little each day how much I'm enjoying spending more time with my children each day. When I mentioned in previous posts that homeschooling was right for our family and came to us at the perfect time I didn't mention the more personal reasons I felt that way. I feel like yes I do complain about being tired in my blog and about needing a break away from my children and all to myself. But I want everyone to realize this is all very new to me. I was living what I felt was a very selfish life. I would spend hours watching shows, playing on facebook, just doing what I wanted to during the day. I would let my children be entertained by video games and Netflix. Those were their "babysitters" all while their mom was in the other room. Yes if you visit my house on weekends recently this is still the norm. But its their free time to do what they please! But do I feel guilty for allowing them to do these things? Heck no! I feel like I can allow them to do as they please because I spent almost every waking hour with them during the days of the week. While that does sound very exhausting when I see it written out I cant help but to remember how many times daily I randomly have a flash of realizing how much I am enjoying spending this time with them. I am enjoying seeing them grow. Seeing them learn. Seeing what they see through their eyes. I was watching a movie just now on Netflix (today is our off day) and watching in the movie how parents are at a school watching their children in a talent show. I remembered how I would go to their school to do these type of events and how proud I felt in the moments of them showing off what they have learned. Well I now get to see this daily and feel these proud moments daily. It makes me feel so warm inside and confirms that I am doing the right thing for my family. 

Over the last few weeks I would just randomly catch myself staring at my children while I am talking to friends or family and they would look at me weird trying to figure out where my head is and I would say "Look!!! Their getting so big and growing so much and their so beautiful!" I just cant get over how much my children are growing into these young adults. I am so proud of them!

I am admitting something that not many people know. I have only told my husband. But I think a few family members might have sensed it. Over the years I have lost my bond for Dakota and Lexie. I just couldn't relate much to them. I'm more of a baby person. I absolutely love the baby years! Its my favorite. Adam on the other hand loves the age when they can play and joke around. I just dont know what to do with that. I never knew how to play with my children. I just loved to hold and cuddle them and be the one they needed when they were so helpless. Now I find myself loving both stages. I CAN relate now. They still need me just as much but just in different ways. I am creating those bonds with them again. This is just one of the things I have hope for in my homeschooling.

I now get to the end of the day and realized I haven't watched one show. I yes periodically check my facebook through out the day but I don't at all spend even a fourth of the time I use to on there.